Last issue, I challenged readers to demonstrate their sense of humor by participating in a contest based on a regular feature in the Washington Post. You came through with flying colors. The first Progressive Distributor Style Invitational asked readers to take any word pertaining to the distribution industry and change it by adding, subtracting or replacing only one letter, then providing a definition for the new word.

Several readers sent in submissions. Following are some of my favorites, along with the name of the reader submitting the word.

Margrin: The smile exhibited by a salesman when the customer says, “I need it today; I don’t care what it costs.”
   – Patrick McCullough, Lewis-Goetz & Co.

Baring distributor: A distributor who exposes himself by dropping prices so fast he loses his pants.
   – Michael Greene, Applied Industrial Technologies

Salesmangler: A sales manager whose promotions and programs deliver indecipherable results.
   – Dave Bruneau, J&L Industrial Supply
(Editor’s note: I should have disqualified you, Dave, because you broke the rules by adding one letter and taking away another. But your entry made me laugh.)

Shipping and hamdling costs: A ham-handed way to raise margin without raising the price of the item.
   – Patrick McCullough, Lewis-Goetz & Co.

Special recognition goes to my friend Hank Turner, president of Empire Machinery & Supply in Norfolk, Va. He submitted the most entries, demonstrating his creativity and sense of humor. It also suggests that his magazine likely arrived on a day when Hank was searching for a diversion from his daily routine. Here are Hank’s best ideas:

Assats: Assets that were invested in a lousy investment by a lousy investor, usually one of the owners of the company.

Sincome: The amount you have left after you pay taxes.

Incame: Income that’s gone.

Piscellaneous expense: What’s left after entertaining your customer at the bar.

This editorial appeared in the November/December 2007 issue of Progressive Distributor magazine. Copyright 2007.